Previous England leader Lewis Moody has disclosed he has been found to have motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet face the full ramifications of the muscle-degenerating condition that took the lives of other rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The middle-aged sportsman, who was part of the 2003 Rugby World Cup-winning side and secured several English and European titles with Leicester, appeared on BBC Breakfast two weeks after finding out he has the illness.
"There's an element of confronting what lies ahead and being reluctant to fully comprehend that at the present time," he said.
"This doesn't mean I am unaware of where it's going. We grasp that. But there is definitely a reluctance to confront the future for now."
Moody, talking together with his wife Annie, explains rather he feels "peaceful" as he concentrates on his current health, his family and getting ready for when the disease deteriorates.
"Maybe that's shock or perhaps I process things in another way, and once I have the facts, it's more manageable," he continued.
First Indications
Moody learned he had MND after observing some lack of strength in his upper arm while working out in the gym.
After rehabilitation failed to improve the issue, a set of scans showed nerve cells in his central nervous system had been compromised by MND.
"You're given this medical finding of MND and we're understandably very affected about it, but it's quite odd because I feel like everything is fine," he continued.
"I don't experience ill. I don't feel unwell
"The signs I have are very minor. I have a bit of muscle wasting in the hand and the shoulder region.
"I continue to be capable of doing all activities. And hopefully that will carry on for as long as is attainable."
Disease Progression
MND can develop rapidly.
According to the non-profit MND Association, the condition kills a 33% of people within a twelve months and above half within two years of identification, as ingestion and inhalation become harder.
Medical care can only delay worsening.
"It's not me that I experience sorrow for," added an affected Moody.
"It's the sadness around having to inform my mum - as an sole offspring - and the ramifications that has for her."
Household Impact
Speaking from the family home with his wife and their pet dog by his side, Moody was overcome with emotion when he spoke about telling his sons - 17-year Dylan and 15-year Ethan - the devastating news, commenting: "That represented the most difficult thing I've ever had to do."
"They're two wonderful boys and that was pretty heartbreaking," Moody remarked.
"We were seated on the couch in weeping, Ethan and Dylan both embraced in each other, then the dog leapt across and began removing the moisture off our faces, which was somewhat silly."
Moody explained the emphasis was being in the now.
"We have no solution and that is why you have to be so militantly focused on just accepting and enjoying everything now," he said.
"According to Annie, we've been very lucky that the primary choice I made when I left playing was to allocate as much duration with the kids as attainable. We can't reclaim those periods back."
Sportsman Link
Professional sportspeople are disproportionately influenced by MND, with investigations proposing the rate of the illness is up to six times greater than in the broader public.
It is believed that by restricting the air obtainable and creating injury to motor neurone cells, regular, strenuous physical activity can activate the condition in those previously genetically susceptible.
Rugby Playing Days
Moody, who won 71 England selections and traveled with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was nicknamed 'Mad Dog' during his professional days, in acknowledgment of his brave, unwavering method to the game.
He competed through a fracture of his leg for a period with Leicester and once initiated a training-ground confrontation with colleague and friend Martin Johnson when, annoyed, he left a tackle pad and commenced participating in collisions.
After entering as a reserve in the Rugby World Cup championship win over Australia in 2003, he secured a ball at the end of the throw-in in the critical phase of play, establishing a foundation for half-back Matt Dawson to snipe and Jonny Wilkinson to execute the match-winning field goal.
Assistance Network
Moody has earlier informed Johnson, who skippered England to that title, and a few other ex- colleagues about his condition, but the rest will be learning his news with the rest of public.
"There shall be a time when we'll need to depend on their backing but, at the moment, just having that sort of care and acceptance that people are there is all that matters," he said.
"The sport is such a excellent community.
"I said to the kids the other day, I've had an amazing life.
"Even should it concluded now, I've valued all of it and embraced all of it and got to do it with unbelievable people.
"When you have the opportunity to consider your enthusiasm your vocation, it's one of the most important blessings.
"To have done it for so extended a period with the squads that I did it with was a delight. And I understand they will desire to assist in every way they can and I anticipate having those discussions."
